Christians please help Me?

Ever since a visit to the planetarium in London at the age of 5 at witch I discovered the sun would eventually burn out and die, iv been looking for god, I enrolled into a Sunday school form the ages of 11-15 with no joy, I visited 1000s of church services many christen friends enrolled in the Alfa course, I cant tell you how many time a preyed to be filled by the love of Jesus. I become very good friends with a christen Dr. of Theology an intelligent man who spoke many ancient languages and wrote several books on the bible code and we would spend day after day discussing theology, ancient civilizations from Sumerian to Aztec, groups from Masons to pagans, mistranslations of the King James Bible and the only 2 bits of advice he ever gave me was to “stop look for what was right under my nose” and “blind faith is for voters and cowards” tried not looking so hard for 2 years and nothing I even entered what I can only describe as the “devils playground” while at uni, what more can i do?